A Murderer's Rhapsody - Happy 4th Birthday Harry
by TotteringSprog
Summary: I couldn't decide on a title so I put both (cheeky me) - this is a Sirius monologue about his feelings. A negative view of Dumbledore is shown. If you don't like it, don't read it. Rated T for a few outbursts of bad language. Leave reviews, negative or positive - I'm not fussed. Enjoy I suppose :)


**So this is a little one chapter story that I promised for my friend because her favourite character is Sirius. It's a monologue and not very long, and I can really imagine Gary Oldman being able to read this how it should be read because he is an amazing actor. But yeah..**

**Most of the characters and settings are property JK Rowling and I take only the credit for the situation and original ideas.**

**Here goes!**

So the guards tell me its 31st July 1984. It is my godson's 4th birthday today; his third without his parents. There is nothing I wouldn't do just to hold him and tell him that I will take care of him. I would love to tell him stories of his parents and how much they love him. And if he asked why they weren't here with him, I'd tell him that one of their best friends was a coward and betrayed their trust. He's nothing more than a common rat that Pettigrew. It's quite ironic; none of us knew why his animagus took on the form of a rat all those years ago but now we do. Well, James and I do.

Lupin still believes it was me you know. You'd think all those books that he loves reading would tell him how to spot an innocent person when faced with one! Our friendship used to be so strong, but I suppose with what he thinks that all those years of friendship mean nothing to him now. Would you want to believe someone who was convicted of the indirect murder of two of your best friends and the attempted murder of their child? Ha, that's what I thought. No, Remus wasn't a person that would forget. He may hate me but he'd still remember all of the memories and laughs that we shared, albeit with sorrow. If I was allowed visitors, I'd only want Remus. His calm and collected character would listen to me long enough to make him believe that it wasn't me. He could then convince everyone that I should be given a trial. That's the thing with Moony; his intelligence and pure soul make people automatically believe him and he has never once used it to his own gain. Even when the Marauders were in trouble, he'd use his 'powers' to help Prongs, Wormtail and I, like some sort of pure-hearted muggle superhero. But I'm not allowed visitors so that's that idea out of the metaphorical window. James and I were like brothers but Remus was a true friend and I love him. And as only one of the Marauders were allowed to have a happy life, I'm glad it was him. His whole childhood was packed with unhappiness and uncertainty and he deserves a little bit of light in his wolf cave. I know he'll help Harry and I have my faith in him. But I do wish he'd stop being so negative and look into my cause a bit more… I was always such a selfish child and old habits die hard.

Moony may even be smarter than Dumbledore. Mind you, Albus is smart enough to not fucking help anyone but himself. I don't like him, not one bit. Granted, I am a convicted murderer – an innocent one may I add – but I would bet my last galleon that Dumbledore knows what actually happened. He's just too self-indulgent to tell anyone. With me out of the way, he will become Harry's guide when he goes to Hogwarts. And I bet he's fucking thrilled. In no way am I saying that Albus Dumbledore isn't a skilled and brilliant wizard, all I'm saying is that he has flaws and plans just like the rest of us. People sometimes forget that. I just hope that he loves Harry as much as I would and helps him. But knowing him, he'll probably let that bloody prophecy blind his views and help Harry become the perfect warrior; a fate which I can't decide whether is good or bad. There's not much I can say about the Headmaster, I don't know a lot about him. I mean, none of us do. He could be the Voldemort equivalent in Russia or something and none of us would ever know. Don't trust people that are too secretive. At least Peter taught me something in the thirteen years I've known him.

Peter Pettigrew wasn't much use for a friend, even as a child. He was whiney and sickly-looking and could never keep up with Remus, James and I. Truth be told, we only put up with him so each one of us would never be alone. Had Remus never become such a good friend, the Marauders probably would have been a duo. Now that sounds horrible. Peter did have his good times like when he got his first girlfriend and persuaded her to ask her dad – who had a very high job in the Ministry – to buy him and the entire Gryffindor quidditch team new brooms. After that, Peter wasn't the butt of our jokes. For about two weeks, ha. Maybe that's what drove him to do what he did. No, nothing could make you commit a sin that bad. To do something like he did you would have to have a weak soul. Even just thinking about him is making me angry. If I ever get released, I will murder him. I will fucking brutally murder him. And then I'll be straight back in my palace of Azkaban.

Lily would curse me if she could see me planning on killing Peter. She probably is cursing me from wherever she and James are. I know when she died she was Lily Potter but she will always be Evans to me. From the beginning of Hogwarts, she was always that bratty kid who ruined everyone's fun by 'sticking to the rules' like a good little witch. She clearly never understood why muggles thought witches were evil; they we supposed to be devious sirens! And have fun! When I was 11 I probably would have picked a funnier person with a better sense of humour for Jamesie boy to be infatuated with but that was one thing he chose himself and it was fate. Even I couldn't argue that they were made for each other; they completed each other. Their patronuses – the visual representation of their souls – matched and they were soul mates. He truly loved her and as I grew to know her, she became a big part of my life. She was amazing, one of the brightest witches I've ever known, although she did have a cheeky side. And she got on well with all of us Marauders; she'd read books and talk about them with Moony, she would play wizard chess with Peter. She and I used to pull pranks on James all of time which always worked as she had an excellent pokerface. Some people think that maybe I loved Lily a bit too much, and maybe I did. Maybe I do. Some people reasoned that I sold them out because I was jealous of their relationship. I suppose everyone is allowed their opinion and I'm allowed to disregard that opinion as fucking horse shit. I didn't do it so there was no reason. Next idiotic theory please? Lily always scorned me for swearing like that, especially in front of baby Harry. "I won't have you corrupting our baby Black" is what she used to say. I can still hear her now. I'd always answer: "with a father like James, he won't need corrupting Evans. He'll be a born Marauder!" I can remember James laughing at that one from behind his Daily Prophet.

James. When James died, my heart broke. He was my brother in all but blood. We were actually related but only distantly, but that made me happy as he was actually my family. Every time I think about something funny we did at Hogwarts, my heart sinks as I remember he isn't here anymore. From that first ever Hogwarts Express ride to the day he became Head Boy and beyond, I knew he was special. When I first saw him, he was a spoilt, bespectacled boy with barely any morals. His parents – being extremely old and baron when he was born – catered for his every whim; he had been refused nothing. Coming from 'The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black,' I had been brought up basically the same except I was attacked when I didn't follow orders. James, however, barked the orders at his parents. Over the years, I came to know him as arrogant, selfish and full of himself. He did have some reason to be like that though; he was excellent at everything he did. However, he also had some amazing traits like being brave, clever and devoted which were admirable. I do hope Harry is like his father, except he should be more cautious of whom he trusts. I heard before I was incarcerated that there was a Weasley and a Longbottom born just before Harry and I know James would've liked them to be friend. I also heard there was a Malfoy born, not such good news. But James wouldn't have minded even if Harry had befriended the Malfoy child because that's who James was, he gave everybody a chance. Ha, he befriended a child whose mad parents and whole family were known for their blood supremacy with a chance of said child hating every muggle born and half-blood. A bloody big chance if you ask me! Ah. Do you know what hurts the most? Losing my best friend and no-one asking how I feel. With everyone assuming I led the murder, no-one even bothered to think about how I feel about losing James. People knew that out of the four, James and I were the closest of friends. It was my sofa that he'd slept on when Lily was angry at him for turning Lucius Malfoy's hair blue at work and it was his cellar that I hid in when a very angry Magnus Macdonald came after me for not owling Mary after going on a date with her. He was only 21 when he was taken; he barely had a life and deserved more. He was such a brilliant wizard and I am honoured to be able to call him my friend. I hope he knows it wasn't me that caused him and his wife to be murdered because the thought of him thinking that could kill me.

I'm not normally nostalgic, but some people deserve to be remembered while others deserve to have their insides melted. To think that James and Lily's murder was someone they trusted makes me sick to my stomach. When I found out about Wormtail's place in the plot, I threw up. Every secret, every joke was now that bald snakey bastard's that my family and cousins loved so much. I just hope he's gone by the time Harry grows up. Maybe I should stop talking to myself before someone locks me up… Oh wait, I'm already there. Gosh, when did I become such a soppy git? Maybe not being able to see the people I love because they're either dead or hate me does that to a person. But anyway, happy birthday Harry. I love you and I'll see you soon.

**Tell me what you think with reviews and the like. Doing this nearly made me cry, a lot of my own emotion went into this and I know feel like eating chocolate to cheer up lol. I may do some more of these types of monologues if this is well met. Let me know, thanksssssss!**


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